My coffee is lukewarm. I don’t drink it often these days, but when I do it is always lukewarm, at best.

The world is loud. A busy and chaotic storm. And social media, it screams all the louder.

My feed fills with a variety of things— from friend’s highlight reels, to the most recent political article, to the do’s and don’t’s of baby raising. These posts, they make me feel as though I am doing it all wrong.

Put your newborn to bed drowsy but awake.

Encourage self soothing habits.

“Eat. Play. Sleep.” is the ultimate goal for optimal baby happiness.

Rocking your baby to sleep will create long term dependency.

And don’t you dare co-sleep.

My tongue tie baby and I, we have broken every rule.

This stressed me out for a while. The articles, they had me convinced I was setting myself up for long term sleep deprivation and a child who will be overly clingy (and maybe, maybe I am?). For a number of reasons, the tips and the tricks just did not work for us. And I search for a voice, somewhere among the posts and their comments, who validates this feeling I have, that it really is okay to just do you. Whatever that looks like.

That voice is hard to find.

But in this moment, in my darkened bedroom with the steady whirr of the fan and the occasional creak of the rocking chair.. it is ok.

In this particular season, I can do this. I can be here for him. I need to be here for him. This is, in fact, my one biggest job right now. And what a gift that ability is, to fully give myself to it.

All too quickly, he grows before my very eyes. Independent sleep will come. The run I long to take, the floor I want to mop, the unrushed shower I miss.. it will all come back again. My baby, he will grow up.

And I imagine that all too quickly, I will long to relive the days I spent rocking him to sleep, and breaking all the rules in the process.

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I’m dusting off the keyboard, resetting old passwords, and sharpening the pencils again.. with hopes of resurrecting this little blog of ours. These posts will more than likely contain very different content than they used to, and will most likely primarily consist of my random writings and musings. There is an unsubscribe option if your inbox feels overly full these days, but know that you are more than welcome to continue joining us on the journey 🙂