There is a saying in Haiti that has come to mind more than once lately. It just about describes our current life situation.
“Dèyè mòn, gen mòn.”
After this mountain, another mountain.
They tell you postpartum is hard. They tell you about the lack of medical care, the fatigue, the night wake up’s, the physical healing. You think they tell you all the things.
But I was unprepared for this.
I didn’t expect to go home from the hospital on a catheter. And I didn’t expect to have to learn self-catheterization when I still couldn’t pee 2 weeks postpartum.
I didn’t expect 3 months of nursing issues with a tongue tie baby who would scream and struggle to breathe during feeds.
I didn’t expect round the clock mouth stretches, and the way my baby would scream through them.
I didn’t expect weekly mouth therapy sessions an hour’s drive away.
I didn’t expect to have to go dairy, wheat, corn, and soy free in attempt to get my baby’s reflux under better control.
And I most certainly didn’t expect to be diagnosed with pelvic organ prolapse.
The last one hit me like a ton of bricks Thanksgiving week.
Merry Christmas, here’s a cystocele!
I can’t lie. After a very easy, smooth pregnancy, this postpartum stuff has been rough. I am tired. I am overwhelmed. I am wondering if things ever get back to normal. Or is this yet another “new normal” I must learn to embrace?
We have had one issue after the next. When I’m not crying, I laugh at the irony of it all. Typically just as one problem is resolved, another problem pops up. Without fail, within that very same week. The last 4 months have felt cruelly unfair, and I’m certain I’ve shed as many tears as my newborn.
Our Liam is a miracle baby. An unexpected, unplanned, God-ordained soul intentionally placed in our lives. In light of that, I have to believe every complication we’ve had since then is also just as much within His sovereignty.
I struggle to see His purpose in it, but I know it is there.
Use this story.
It’s what I find myself praying moment by moment. Because deep in my soul, I know it to be true: He can use this too.
Isn’t that what we all long for? Deep down in us? That our lives, our stories, our joys and struggles and everything that lies in between.. all of it made into something meaningful?
I know the One who can do that.
I’ve been to see a urogynecologist (yes, those exist) and am currently seeing a pelvic floor therapist to address a prolapse that rates between stage 1 and borderline 3, depending on who you ask. I’m currently into week 2 of pelvic floor therapy, and we are praying to see the prolapse reverse as time and exercise strengthen all the right muscles. We are thankful for the many resources God has provided for us, and all of the things He is teaching us. Hard as they may be.